That Is Not How You Use A Miraculous
by hashtagartistlife
Summary: Francoise-Dupont College Class 1A have a secret. In the daytime, they're normal students with normal lives — but during the night, they become the erstwhile defender of Paris, a superhero with miraculous powers: King/Queen Bee! …. All of them. In turn. They have a roster. How did this happen? Well, Marinette and Adrien would like to know that themselves… [Adrinette, Ladynoir]


**An anon sent pozolegirl on tumblr a message suggesting a crack!scenario in which the Bee Miraculous is passed around the whole class like a sort of demented Pass-The-Parcel, and the mental image was too funny so I ficced it. Unsure if this will be continued for now.**

* * *

 **That Is _Not_ How You Use A Miraculous**

by _hashtagartistlife_

"It's your turn, Marinette!"

"Eh— _eh?"_

The dark-haired girl blinked down at the object being offered to her, an odd expression somewhere between a laugh and a grimace on her face. Rose smiled at her guilelessly, and pushed the comb in her direction once more.

"The comb! It's your turn, didn't you know? It says on the roster we drew up last week. After me, it's you!"

"Ah, that's—that's ok, I think I'll pass—"

The blonde girl's face fell, just as another girl—also blonde, but with her longer hair in a ponytail—yelled out from the back: "In that case, I guess I'll just have to take it today too—"

"Not a chance in hell, Chloé," Alya interrupted, glaring at their eternal rival. She snatched the comb from Rose and shoved it at Marinette. "Just take it, Marinette, even if you don't do anything with it; I don't think I'll be able to stand another day with Chloé parading around as Queen Bee."

"But Alya, I—"

"I do sincerely hope that Miss Dupain-Cheng _won't_ shirk on her duties as part of this class, though," Miss Bustier added, frowning in her direction. "When we received this ornament last week, we as a class decided that it was given to us for a reason and we should use it as it was intended to be used— to combat evil. As a part of our class, you also have a responsibility to carry out the duties conferred to us by the comb, Miss Cheng."

Oh, if only she knew. 'Responsibility', her mother's left buttock; she knew about the kind of responsibilities that comb conferred _all too well._ She was wearing another set of 'responsibilities' in her ears that very moment. And that set told her she needed to sort out this situation a.s.a.p.—

—if only she could figure out _how._

Fourteen expectant faces looked in her direction; Marinette felt a drop of sweat roll down her neck. In her bag, she heard Tikki sigh the tiniest of sighs. Well, it looked like there was no getting out of this situation now. She'd have to think of a suitable excuse later. (She was getting entirely too good at lying to people these days for her comfort, but hey—that was _part_ of her bloody _responsibilities._ )

Marinette Dupain-Cheng took the Bee Miraculous from Alya's waiting hands, and spent a silent moment wondering how on earth she had ever gotten into this mess.

* * *

It had started, as it always did, with an akuma attack. Ms. Mendeleiv wasn't the most easygoing person around to begin with, and with the added frustrations of a sweltering hot day and a broken A/C, she hadn't stood a chance. It would have been an akuma attack like any other—

Except for the fact that both Adrien and Marinette were absent from school that day.

By the time Marinette had managed to drag her feverish self over to the school, running on nothing but fumes and her entire medicine cupboard, Ms. Mendeleiv was all but subdued, thanks to her eleven classmates and _one new hero_ decked out in yellow spandex. She'd been a little surprised, but she had also been way, way too sick to overanalyse the situation— so she quickly purified the akuma and went straight back home.

When she returned to the school the next morning, however, she'd found that their class had somehow acquired the Bee Miraculous, along with the matching Kwami—who, poor thing, was buzzing around their heads in a near-panic, clearly trying to communicate something. Unfortunately, it only seemed to speak _bee_ —that is, it buzzed louder or softer or longer or shorter depending on the questions they asked it, but unlike Tikki, didn't seem to be able to use human language.

"Well, _I_ was the one who defeated the villain yesterday, so clearly _I_ am the one who is meant to have it—" Chloe was arguing, and Marinette suppressed a shiver—Chloe, the owner of the Bee Miraculous, hero of Paris? That didn't bear thinking about—but thankfully, Alya, reliable as ever, was already countering her.

"If you've forgotten, the comb originally dropped right in front of _Nathanael_ ," she said, snatching the comb from Chloe's grasp and slamming it down in front of the boy in question. He jumped. "And _Nino_ is the one who grabbed it first, and as for the little bee-creature, it went straight to _Ivan._ Nino handed the comb over to _Juleka_ , who handed it over to _Max,_ who you then _wrestled_ for it! If anything, I think this shows that the comb _isn't_ meant for you at all!"

"Pah! I'm the one who managed to transform with it in the end, so it clearly likes me best, though!"

"You only transformed with it because you were the only one who had the crazy thought of putting it on and yelling 'transform me!'"

"For the _record,_ peasants, pretty ornaments like that comb are _meant_ to be worn by pretty people, aka me! And I did not yell 'transform me', I only said that it looked like a magical girl item and I wondered if it _would_ transform me—"

"Anyway, my point is, I'm sure the transformation would work equally as well with _anybody_ else on the line. Look, I'll try it myself!" Before Marinette had time to intervene, Alya was placing the comb in her own hair, and shouting out 'Transform Me!'. A golden-yellow light engulfed her best friend, and when the transformation sequence was through, a hero was standing in her place; her suit was skintight black-and-yellow spandex, and her hair was up in a bun, secured by the comb. A yellow mask hid her identity from plain view, but the way she promptly proceeded to put her hands on her hips and glare daggers at Chloe was pure _Alya._ "See?"

"That doesn't prove anything!" Chloe yelled, just as several voices clamoured "Let me try!"

The classroom quickly dissolved into pandemonium after that; Alya transformed back into herself, but the comb was yanked out of her hair by Kim, who warded of Alix and Mylene in quick succession and held it out of Adrien's reach before it was confiscated from him by none other than Miss Bustier.

"Children," she said, uncharacteristically severe, "what have I told you about _sharing?"_

Everyone looked a little shamefaced at that.

"While it's clear that this power was given to us for a _reason_ , we can't figure out who it was meant for. And our little bee friend has no way of helping us—do they?" she directed the query to the Bee Kwami, who shook its head and buzzed helplessly. "I see. In that case, we shall do the logical thing, and _share_ the responsibility around. We can't let such power go to waste, but until we can figure out who was meant to wield it, _everyone_ will have to have a go. We will draw up a roster, and hand the comb around accordingly. Yes?"

 _That's not how the Miraculous works!_ Marinette had thought a little hysterically, but she couldn't exactly see a way out of the mess without compromising her own identity. So she had agreed with the rest of the class to Miss Bustier's plan, and the _Class Superhero Roster_ was born.

* * *

And thus, the current situation.

"Isn't it exciting? What are you going to do with it, Marinette?" Alya asked on their way back home. "Oooh, can I stay at your place tonight? You'll meet up with Ladybug and Chat Noir on their night patrol when you transform, right? That's what the others did. Do you think maybe I could tag along? I know we're supposed to keep this a class secret and all, but the readers of my blog are _dying_ for the goss on the newest superhero around the block, and if I could just pretend not to know anything about it and interview _you_ —"

"I'm probably not going to do anything with it, to be honest," Marinette interrupted, and Alya looked at her sharply.

"What? But you _have_ to, Marinette, it's part of our responsibility as heroes of Paris—"

"Ladybug and Chat Noir do a fine job protecting Paris, I think," she said mildly, "and besides, I'm not feeling too great. I should probably stay out of the night air, I don't think I've recovered entirely from my cold last week."

Well, even Alya couldn't press her after that. "I suppose," she conceded, looking disappointed. "Health comes first, after all. You should focus on getting better. I'm on the roster next week, anyway. I can wait till then."

"I was afraid of that," Marinette muttered; Alya was walking ahead of her, humming happily to herself, so she didn't hear. Marinette bade her goodbye on the corner of the street, and headed home with heavy steps.

* * *

"Wait, you _really_ can't talk?" Tikki said, in the privacy of Marinette's room. The bee Kwami shook their head. "But—you _used_ to! What happened, Illy?"

Illy just buzzed sadly around the room. Tikki and Marinette looked at each other.

"This is all my fault," Marinette said, sitting heavily on her bed, "if only I'd got to school faster, Master Fu wouldn't have had to send a new kwami—"

"It is _not_ your fault!" Tikki said fiercely, rounding on Marinette. "You're not the only hero in Paris, you know! Chat should have been there, where was he? And Master Fu, too—sending a kwami that can't speak, what was he thinking?"

"He was desperate, I suspect," Marinette said. "I mean, he was in such a rush that he didn't even tell Illy properly about who they were meant to go to, right? You didn't hear him say who you were meant to be entrusted to, Illy?"

Illy shook their head again.

"And we can't find Master Fu _anywhere_ ," Tikki moaned, raking her small hands down her face. "This is a _disaster_ , we can't just pass Illy around to everyone like it's a game of pass-the-parcel! The Miraculous and their powers are serious stuff, I can't _believe_ how irresponsible Master Fu's being—"

Marinette didn't like to bad-mouth her sort-of mentor, even if she'd only met him a few times, but privately, she agreed with Tikki. The day they found Illy lost and confused in their classroom, they had immediately begun a search for him; unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found. They'd both agreed it was far too precarious for Tikki to approach Illy while they were in someone else's possession, so they'd decided to wait till Illy came home with them to ask their questions. And now it turned out even Illy didn't know what was going on.

"Well, I guess there's nothing we can do now but wait," Marinette said, getting up from her bed and opening her window. The sun was setting, and soon it would be time for her nightly patrol. "I'll just tell everyone I wasn't feeling great, so I couldn't go out. That should work."

"Wait, you're planning on taking Illy back to class?" Tikki sounded indignant. Marinette looked at her friend in surprise.

"Sure, what else should I do?"

"The Miraculous," Tikki said severely, "are _not_ some children's toys to be passed around to different people!"

"Tikki, the class would _murder_ me," Marinette said flatly. "I can tell them I lost it or something, but you know what Chloe's like, she'd find a way to make my life a living hell. And my other classmates would probably _let_ her."

"You don't know that," Tikki protested, but it sounded weak to her own ears; oh, the class absolutely _would_ murder her. Everyone was having way too much fun with the entire situation. Just look at the few people who _had_ shown up over the past week to join Ladybug and Chat on their patrols; Mylene, Max, Kim and Rose had all been over the moon to be joining their heroes on a jaunt across the city. And some of them had actually held up quite well in fights against akumas (Mylene had a really mean right hook; who knew?). Keeping Illy with them would be… difficult, at best.

Marinette sighed, and looked out the window. A velvet violet was creeping over the horizon. If they didn't hurry, they'd be late.

"Come on, then," she said gently, and Tikki acquiesced; they transformed quickly, with the ease of several months of practice.

"Stay here," Ladybug said to Illy, expression softening for the mute Kwami, "I'll be back soon. We'll do our best to find a solution for you."

Illy nodded, and Ladybug jumped out into the rapidly darkening sky.

* * *

Adrien Agreste was conflicted.

On the one hand, he should really get the Bee Miraculous and the Bee Kwami away from the class and back to its rightful owner, or at the very least, to Master Fu.

On the other, he was having _way too much fun_ with this superhero gig.

Well, not _him_ personally, but all of his classmates, to be sure. So far, the Miraculous had gone to Mylene, Max, Kim and Rose in that order, and all of them had been way too excited for him to be able to bear raining on their parade. How could he, when he was the one who knew best what having a Miraculous meant for one's self-esteem and psyche? It would be hypocritical of him to just— _snatch_ it away without giving everyone an equal chance; or at least, that's what he was arguing to Plagg at that very moment.

"Well ~ I don't really care, but the Miraculous _are_ supposed to be bonded to one user for best results," Plagg drawled, floating around Adrien's room with a piece of camembert in his hands. "And, you know, it's _technically_ your fault we're in this mess in the first place—"

"I know, I know, Plagg, I'm sorry, but I couldn't exactly get away—"

That much was true; he'd been smack dab in the middle of a photoshoot with his father, so sneaking away had been an impossibility. It seemed as though Ladybug had been similarly held up, from what he gathered later; she had shown up eventually, but by the time she got there, a new superhero had already mostly sorted the situation out.

Unfortunately, the superhero had been _Chloe_ , and she'd transformed in full view of the rest of the class; so when she transformed back, both the Bee Kwami and the Miraculous had been declared class property. Adrien had been a first-hand witness to the chaos that followed the next day; he'd sneakily tried to get a hold of the Miraculous himself, but had been foiled by Miss Bustier, who'd confiscated it and drawn up a _roster_ so that they could share the power and responsibility equally amongst them.

To be perfectly honest, the roster was working beautifully; Chloe had made some underhanded attempts to get the other kids to hand over their turn at the Miraculous, but no-one had wanted to cede to Chloe in _this_ , so things had been going without a single hitch. And the new heroes that joined him and his Lady on their night patrols had even been somewhat helpful—if a little excitable. To his surprise, he wasn't averse to his duo with his Lady becoming a threesome, even permanently—it _did_ mean reduced time alone with her, but having an extra person to joke around with and watch his back more than made up for that.

"—Look, I said I'd take the Miraculous away once everyone in the class got a turn, didn't I? That's the best I can do. I don't want to—to be _unfair_ —"

"Are you sure that's it?" Plagg sniggered. "No ulterior motives? No-one you particularly want to see join you on your little hero jaunts? It's that Marinette girl's turn to have the Miraculous tonight, you sure you don't just want to see her in skintight latex—"

"Shut up!" Adrien hissed, going bright red, "That's not it and you _know_ it! I just—feel like it'd be _hypocritical_ of me to take the Miraculous away from the class when I know I would have enjoyed the chance to have it so much—oh, stop laughing at me, would you?"

It wasn't a lie, per se; but he had to admit he had been _acutely_ curious as to what kind of superhero Marinette Dupain-Cheng would make. She was smart and fearless, and good in leadership roles; she was also weirdly easily flustered and tended to drop things a lot around him. But she hadn't shown any signs of that around his Chat Noir self, and he wondered what kind of team the three of them would make: him, his Lady, and Marinette. If he was being honest, a lot of the reasons why he wanted the entire class to have a go at the Miraculous was to see what kind of superheroes they'd all make—and Marinette was at the top of his 'people-I-want-to-see-in-a-superhero-alter-ego' list.

"And speaking of that, it's almost nighttime. C'mon, Plagg, let's get out of here—"

He called out the cue to transform hastily, and vaulted out of his window in high spirits. He was excited to see Marinette, and excited to see his Lady; he had a good feeling about things to come that night.

* * *

She hadn't shown up.

"Well, let's go!" Ladybug called, and Chat Noir stopped her with a hand on her wrist. She looked back at him quizzically.

"Aren't we forgetting someone?" he asked, pointed; "We've had a new superhero join us every night for the past week, you know. Shouldn't we wait for them?"

If he didn't know any better, he'd say his Lady actually _flinched_ at his words. "Th-the Bee superhero? I'm sure they'll be coming soon, and besides, it's certainly not the first time either of us had to patrol on our own. I'm sure the Bee superhero has their own lives to attend to, too—"

He released her wrist slowly and let Ladybug ramble on; what she was saying made sense, but he couldn't shake the odd feeling of something being _wrong_. He'd seen Marinette just a scant few hours ago, and she had seemed fine then; he'd definitely seen her take the Miraculous, and as far as he knew, she had no other schedules to attend to that night. It's possible that she didn't want to take on the duties of the Bee Miraculous, but he knew she wasn't the type to shirk her responsibilities—so then why was she so conspicuously _absent_ from the Paris skyline?

Oh god, was she sick? Was she injured? What had prevented her from coming out in her superhero alter ego?

Acknowledging his Lady's words with a small nod, Chat saw her relax minutely and cast her yo-yo out to the next rooftop; as they arced through the sky in silence, he wondered what the best way to bring Marinette up would be. Ladybug was friends with her; surely if something dire had happened to her, she would know about it?

"My Lady," he asked, "have you heard from that friend of yours lately? The one you asked me to protect in the Evillustrator incident. Marinette, wasn't it?"

His Lady missed the next rooftop, and plummeted like a rock; he yelped in surprise and extended his baton, but thankfully, she managed to break her fall by wrapping her yo-yo around another chimney.

"Mar… Marinette?" she gasped, dangling like a spider at the end of her web, "Why would you ask about her?"

Well, that was a bit of a strong reaction. What did it all mean? "Um, no reason? I was just curious. Just wondering if any other akuma have been targeting her recently, and all. I mean, she's friends with you, right? It's not beyond the scope of possibility that villains might target her to get at you."

He held his hand out to help her back onto the roof; she avoided his eyes. "Uh, um, Marinette's perfectly fine! Yeah. I talked to her just yesterday, actually, and she's doing great, nothing wrong with her whatsoever, uh…"

"Oh. Well—that's good," Chat said, trying to sound offhand. "I was… just wondering. So she's definitely not sick, or anything?"

"N-no," Ladybug said, and that had been that; Chat didn't press the matter any further, lest he accidentally injure his Lady, but his mind had been made up.

He was going to pay Marinette a visit after his patrol.

* * *

When he showed up at her window, however, it was dark and empty.

"Marinette? Princess?" he called, knocking on the glass, but there was no reply from inside.

Well, now he was _really_ worried; he wondered if he should de-transform and ask the Dupain-Chengs if they knew where their daughter was. Maybe the entire family was out? But no, the bakery lights were still on; they were still open for business. Maybe Marinette was just asleep in another room? Maybe she was simply _in_ the bakery, helping her parents out? Maybe, maybe, _maybe._ Nothing would be resolved unless he actually _did_ something, and Adrien knew this would bug him until he found out just what exactly was happening.

Decision made, he leapt off the roof; after checking his surroundings, he quickly released his transformation. He stuffed Plagg into his shirt pocket and threatened him with no camembert for a week unless he stayed silent, and knocked on the door to the bakery.

"Come in!" said a warm voice he recognised as Mrs. Cheng's, and he did as he was bade. "Oh, Adrien! Welcome! What are you doing at out at our bakery so late?"

"G—good evening, Mrs. Cheng, I was just wondering if Marinette was home—"

"Marinette? Of course she is, one minute, I'll get her for you— _MARINETTE!"_

Silence.

Mrs. Cheng tipped her head in confusion. "That's funny, is she asleep? Marinette! You have a guest!"

"YES, MUM!" came Marinette's voice, rather breathless, and Adrien felt the knot of tension at the bottom of his stomach ease; so she was ok, after all. But then why had her room been empty?

Marinette came down the ladder in a rush, all tangled hair and tangled limbs, and almost fell flat on her face. At the last minute, Adrien put a steadying arm across her shoulders; she looked up at him, and blushed bright red. Adrien felt a matching blush spreading across his own cheeks.

"I—um! Sorry, I was listening to music—" she said as she scrambled upright; he let her shoulders go as though they burned, and coughed.

"Really, Marinette, what have I told you about not having those earphones in 24/7—" Mrs. Cheng was saying, but Adrien only had ears for what Marinette had just said:

 _I was listening to music._

"So you weren't out?" he asked her, and Marinette _flinched_ —funny, where had he seen that again tonight? "You were in your room all along?"

"Y— _yeah_ ," she said, but she wouldn't meet his eyes— "where else would I be?"

 _Where else indeed,_ Adrien wondered, _where else, Marinette?_

* * *

"That was _way_ too close for comfort," Marinette muttered to Tikki on her way to school the next day. "Why on earth was _Adrien_ at _my house_ at that time of the night?"

Tikki sighed. "Who knows, Marinette? The important thing is, we have to make sure the excuse we give to the class is consistent with what we showed Adrien yesterday. We were going to say we were sick, but you didn't look very sick to me last night when you were with him. What are you going to tell the class?"

"Oh, that's not a worry, Tikki, I can just say my parents wanted me to help with the bakery work. Back to Adrien, it's not like he had a particular reason to come see me either, not even _Alya_ visits me that late, do you think Adrien had a reason for being there that he couldn't tell me—"

"What was I doing where?" a voice asked from behind her, and Marinette jumped a foot in the air and shoved Tikki unceremoniously into her bag. She turned around with a mechanical grin plastered across her face.

Speak of the devil (or angel, as the case may be).

"Adrien! S, so nice to see you last night—I mean, this morning—I mean, last night too, but especially this morning—that is—what I mean to say is—n, nice socks today!" she blabbered on, jabbing a finger weakly in the direction of his socks. Adrien smiled at her.

"Thanks. They're from my dad's spring collection."

"Yeah, I can tell by the, uh, stitchwork!" She nodded like a loon. "Uh, Adrien, I've been meaning to ask, about last night—"

"About last night," Adrien interrupted smoothly, and Marinette shut up. "I, um, apologise for showing up so late. It's just that I had a bit of a craving for pastries and your shop is one of the only ones open that late, you know? And then when I actually got there I thought maybe I'd check up on how you're doing, too. I mean," he lowered his voice conspiratorially, and Marinette leaned in on cue, "you had the Bee Miraculous last night, I wanted to know if you found it all ok?"

"Oh!" Marinette exclaimed, straightening up, "oh," she repeated, softer, when Adrien winced and several people turned to look in their direction. "The—the Bee Miraculous! Yeah, um, it was my turn, right? Unfortunately, I didn't get the time to go out on patrol, my parents wanted some help around the shop—so, um, couldn't go out, unfortunately! Stayed at home all night. Ah well. Maybe next time, yeah?"

"So you definitely stayed home all night last night? No slipping out for midnight jaunts across rooftops?"

"I… I…" Marinette spluttered, unable to make heads nor tails of Adrien's sharp questions. "Not at all! Home. All night. Most definitely. Oh would you look at that, I think that's the bell! Better get to class, Adrien, we're going to be late!"

And indeed, that was the bell ringing in the distance. Adrien and Marinette looked at each other, and promptly started bolting for the school.

In their haste, neither of them realised that the other had used the proper term— _Miraculous_ —for what everyone else had been calling 'The Superhero Comb'.

* * *

"We didn't get to see you in Paris's skyline yesterday, Miss Cheng!"

"No, Miss Bustier. I'm sorry. My parents wanted me to help with the bakery work, you see."

"She's a lying liar who lies," sing-songed Plagg from where he was hidden under his collar, "Oh, I wonder what our _good_ little Miss Dupain-Cheng's hiding—"

"Shut up, Plagg," Adrien hissed, "You're going to get caught. And besides, she _might_ have been home, and I could have just missed it. Don't call her a liar without concrete evidence."

Plagg pooh-poohed. "Nonsense. _You're_ Chat Noir, you were there, weren't you? Looked into her window with that night vision of yours? Listened out for the sound of footsteps with your enhanced hearing? Do _you_ think she was there in that building when you got there?"

"No," he admitted, pencil tapping away on the desk. "But why would she be _lying_ about something like this?"

"Well, that's unfortunate, but of course, secrecy is key. Perhaps you'll be able to take up the responsibilities next time!" Miss Bustier was saying, and Marinette was smiling weakly and nodding along. The furrow in Adrien's brow deepened.

A hand clamped around his wrist, and his rhythmical tapping ceased.

"Dude, Alya is glaring daggers at you, would you stop?" Nino whispered. Adrien started.

"Oh—sorry, Nino," he said, apologetic. He put the pencil away. "I just… have a bit on my mind, is all."

Nino snickered. "What, like how pretty Marinette looks today in that sundress?" he said, arching a brow, and Adrien flushed as he realised he'd been staring at her intently for a while now. She was gathering up her things after talking to Miss Bustier, and was only now marching up to her seat. She caught his eye, and smiled at him; he flushed even deeper red.

"It's not—like that…" he spluttered, but it was no use; Nino just rolled his eyes and slapped him heartily on the back. Adrien sighed. Nino had become… weirdly fixated on drawing his attention to Marinette, ever since he and Alya had started dating. It's like he thought that now he and Alya were dating, it only made sense for their respective best friends to date, too. Adrien had to admit, it's not like he'd _never_ thought of the idea – Marinette was a generally stellar person overall – but he had his Lady, and that was it.

And speaking of his Lady… she had been rather odd last night, too. Uncharacteristically flustered. She hadn't bothered to wait around for the Bee Superhero, when she had seemed to enjoy their company as much as he had on previous days. And she had almost fallen off the building when he had mentioned Marinette to her.

Marinette's absence. The Bee Miraculous. Ladybug's odd reaction.

Were the three things related, and if so, how?


End file.
